Me again....
OK, so you know how your life has become all about your kids? When I was pregnant with Lily (my oldest daughter) I knew my life was going to change completely. I knew that pretty much every hour of every day was going to be dedicated to this little life that we were bringing into the world. I knew that the days of "get up and go" were going to be over.
What I didn't know, was that no matter how many times magazine articles, friends and family would tell me to be sure to take time for myself, that it would be SO HARD to actually take time for myself. It's not that I have a hard time finding the hours necessary to "take time for myself", afterall, Mitch is home every weekend and I have 9 hours of "kid-free" time a week. It's just that I feel guilty. When the weekend comes, I feel like it is our family time and I should be with everyone for the bike ride or softball practice or gardening or whatever is going on. Then, when I am taking advantage of my kid-free hours, I feel like I should be volunteering in someone's room or getting the kitchen floor washed. I really have to make a conscious choice to "do something for myself", like go get a massage or just watch a movie I had been wanting to see.
The worst part of this is that when I do actually take time for myself to do what I want to do, I find myself "justifying" my choice. One of my friends did this earlier this year. She spent a lot of money to get her hair straightened. When we talked about it, she said, "Well, I thought since I had a garage sale and I still work part time that it would be ok to spend the money. Afterall, I'm not the type of person who gets a weekly manicure or pedicure. In fact, I hardly ever spend money on myself." I thought about her comments over the weekend and when I saw her on Monday I told her that she should NOT have to justify doing a little something for herself. But, I am just like her. I justify why I spend X amount of dollars on this or that and I justify taking time for myself (well, I finished all the laundry and put it away, so it's ok if I sit down to watch a movie in peace and quiet.)
We shouldn't have to justify doing little things for ourselves, especially if it doesn't happen very often. More importantly we shouldn't feel the need to justify our choices to OURSELVES! I'm sure that most of our husbands agree with us when we say we need a break. Most of our husbands are more than glad to take over so we can go have a spa day or a girls night out or just to go shopping without kids crawling under the dressing room doors. So why do we feel the need to convince ourselves that it is ok for us to take some time for ourselves? I don't know, maybe because we're Moms and that's what Moms do?
What I do know is that we deserve it. No matter if you are a Mom working full time or a Mom working part time or a stay at home Mom, we deserve time to ourselves to do exactly what we selfishly want to do without having to justify it to ourselves or anyone else.
Until later......I hope you get some "me" time to do whatever your heart desires, whether it's read an entire chapter of a book without interruption or get a massage or a mani/pedi (I hate saying that--mani/pedi) or go shopping all by yourself for yourself. It's OK, just do it, enjoy it, don't justify it and be guilt free!
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I have to admit it...I am the friend who got her hair straightened. It's exactly like Autumn said. I really felt the need to justify to myself that it was OK to do this just for me. I too feel guilty for even the little things that I might want to do for myself. It took your comment to whack me upside the head and realize that something is wrong with the picture if I'm having to make justifications for things like this. I really appreciate you bringing to my attention the fact that it's OK and not selfish to take time just for me. Thanks for the wake up call! ~Kayce
ReplyDeleteMy trips to the grocery store at night were my "me" time and I justified them by doing something that needed to be done. Never went until all kids were fed, bathed and in bed, however. And then I was unpacking a car full of groceries and putting them away at 11:00 at night!
ReplyDeleteAutumn
ReplyDeleteWhat Mom never told you, was that after kids your life is no longer yours... imagine the husbands waiting for you to finish the 'normal' day to play the roll of wife...! Sorry, just kidding
Domo
Huh, I find it funny how we say "My husband doesn't mind taking the kids"...Last time I checked the kids were 1/2 HIM! Its like negotiating a contract w a babysitter. How come its our job to take the kids (I'm talking weekend only when everyone is home) but they have the option of not taking the kids if they don't feel like it? My mom never told me that!
ReplyDelete